The Lovely Little Introvert

     I feel like pretty much everyone starts looking back on the past year around this time. Perhaps it has grown a little cliche to do so, but I think it's necessary and helpful. So here are a few things I learned in 2015 if you care to read on:      This past year was one of the hardest of my life. I dealt with heartache and depression and loneliness and confusion. I dealt with immense amounts of anxiety and fear. I was forced to cope with transition and loss.      But I was also given love and hope. I was given Jeremiah 29:11 (I have a constant reminder that I wear and see every day). I was shown faithfulness and true loyalty. I was given strength. I was blessed with an immeasurable amount of healing. I was shown what it means to forgive and to give without anyone knowing or expecting anything. I learned what true friendship is.      One thing I have struggled with for years is myself-who I am and what I'm meant to do. Well this year I think I got a glimpse from the Lord.

    About a week ago, I started reading this fiction book about a woman who has spent her whole life making up stories about her past, most of which are pretty fantastic. As she is dying, she decides to tell her real story. At one point, she tells the girl who is there with her that everyone has a story and that it is one worth telling and you have to put words to those stories or they just die. It has been weighing on my heart as I've been mulling it over. Do I have a story to tell?     I've spent most of my life thus far thinking I didn't have much of a story to tell. I haven't done much and don't have too many plans for my future. I've just kind of existed, I felt like. That is, until this morning at church. I'm not even sure why it came up in my mind because the pastor was talking about the man with the withered hand, but anyway. A few months ago, a friend of mine said that maybe sometimes people don't share with us their hurts and struggles because

     What are you worth? This question has been on my mind quite a bit the past few weeks and I have kind of come to a head about it here recently. This post is going to be directed at the ladies, but I want the guys to read it, too. I think it is important.      Think about the question again: What are you worth? This question came about while I was contemplating where I find my worth and I came to realize something (something I think we all need to hear). As women, we are worth so much more than our bodies. Let me say it again with slight clarification: Your worth as a woman is not based on how physically attractive other people find you.      About a week or so ago, I was out and saw a music video of some up and coming heartthrob, I can't remember his name. He was singing about how this girl's body was all he could think about and how he loved when she shook her booty. While he was singing he had about four girls, very scantily clad, dancing with everything they had, tryin

     I'm sure you guys get tired of reading all of my introvert blog posts, but since that's the name of my blog, I've got to bring it up now and again. The other day I was painting and this one line popped into my head. I felt like I needed to write it down and once I did, it was like this tumbling, messy waterfall of words. I haven't written any poetry type stuff in a while, but I think this qualifies. (Fair warning, it is a smidge long, but with the format, I think it's a pretty quick read.) I wanted to share it, so read it if you want. Or don't. :)      Love you all for reading my crazy thoughts. Sometimes it sucks Being stuck in your own thoughts so much. So many thoughts, conversations that never take place, Ideas. Floating, floating. No discernible beginning or ending. Amidst all the quiet when no one's around Sometimes it gets unbearably loud. Hands over your ears just won't do The noise is inside you and there is no Off switch. You

     I don't know about all of you, but I love journaling. I probably have twenty or so full journals in a box and usually have about three going (for different things). I love writing and I love words. About the time I was ten or eleven I started keeping a journal, mostly of silly little things like someone's birthday party or how mad someone had made me. Then as I got older, the journaling changed a little. It included more of what God was teaching me and the parts of life that I could not figure out. Now I journal a little less than I used to, but it is far more intentional now than it ever used to be. I love looking back on old entries to see where I have come from and all that God is teaching me. I love being able to see the challenges I faced and eventually conquered and  the things I am still learning how to deal with. I don't know, there is just something about being able to look back and reminisce on the faithfulness of God and know that He is still that same faith

Do you know that if you repeat anything enough times you start to believe it? Even if it is a lie, say it enough and it becomes the truest thing you know. The same goes for truth, too. Take something you know to be true but have a hard time believing. Repeat it enough and it is true. I do think this sounds much simpler than it is, but I did that on purpose to simply get a better understanding. And to get you thinking. How many of you have been told something hurtful before? Like you are ugly or stupid or something like that? Well if you are anything like me you replay it over and over and over again. Slowly that lie starts disguising itself as truth until after a while you can’t differentiate between that masquerading lie and actual truth. The two intermingle and it all gets blurry and very contradictory. Suddenly you can’t tell up from down and you begin to wonder if truth is even a real thing and if it can be known. It flips your world on end. This describes all of us in one are

     One of my very favorite things to talk about and write about is beauty. Beauty of people, the mountains I'm surrounded by, the beauty of love. The beauty everywhere. I can't help it. When I get started, it's hard to shut it down. The joy I experience bubbles up and over and it's such a lovely mess.      Shift for a second to the opposite end of the spectrum. The other day at work, one of my partners asked if I was a glass half full or half empty kind of person. I had to stop for a second. I knew what answer I wanted to give him. But I knew if I told him that, I would be lying. So I looked him in the eye and told him, somewhat shamefully, that I'm a glass half-empty kind of person. Actually, I pretty much always have been. Can't say exactly why...      How can I possibly be both of those things? Well I can't, at least not at once. It's the struggle between my flesh and my spirit that is waging constantly. Sometimes I have no idea how to deal with i

     I don't normally share the things I write. And nothing I've written lately has even been good. I was starting to think I had lost it. I tried to quit altogether, leave it as a forgotten dream. But a part of me also knew that I still had a little left. Someone once said that you need to write until you surprise yourself. Today I sat back surprised at what was staring back at me from the paper. Again, normally I don't share my writings, but I felt like I needed to today.         "Two years. It had been two years since that last day-since the day you walked out. And although I hadn't seen you, it was like nothing had changed. For me, everywhere I looked you were there. You followed me everywhere. At first I tried to ignore you, but you wouldn't go away. I pretended like it didn't bother me. You were there, but so what? Still you persisted. You kept on and on until finally I gave in. One night, in the mid-October rain, I slipped on my best shoes and wen

      For whoever reads my blog post, you had to know something about Starbucks was coming sooner or later. It is a big part of my life, after all.       Here is just a bit of my Starbucks background to give a little perspective. When I moved back to Colorado after a brief, albeit messed up time, in Arizona, I started job searching again. I was offered my old job waiting tables, but I hated it and had resolved never to go back after having worked there for two years. It was, needless to say, a miserable place. So I began the endless task of filling out applications, almost a full-time job in itself. I applied for everything not having to do with food of any kind. I called around and no on seemed to be hiring (or they had misplaced my application--thanks, Bath and Body Works lady!). After about a month of hearing absolutely nothing, I started applying at all the places I had deemed "forbidden"--restaurants, which meant being a waitress again. My dad all but told me to apply a

     There have been a lot of crazy thoughts rolling around in my head the last few weeks. I've started to write a new blog post so many times and it just never felt quite right. There were so many options, but none I had really fleshed out yet. Anyhow. I'm here now! Finally writing again, and it feels good! I am currently done with school for the summer (on week four of my vacation) and it feels wonderful. My sister is coming home from Africa in 17 days and I could not be more happy!! We also moved into a new house and I absolutely adore it. I have a glorious little hammock in the backyard and I am working on making a fairy garden with tiny little plants and a house shaped like a teapot. It's gonna be pretty epic. Yet despite all of this great stuff, God and I have been wrestling with some things for a while.      The overall issue has been with purpose and contentment. So many things have brought this about. For one, I am going into my junior year of college in the fall

     If my blog's title didn't quite give it away, I am an introvert by nature. I used to resent it frequently, but I have come to accept myself that way. (I am still working on what comes after acceptance, but that's another story.) Anyway, a few days ago I was talking with my Mom about my being an introvert and just how I deal with people in general. She said that most people don't know how to handle introverts and are sometimes (perhaps even unconsciously) afraid of them. So I wanted to take this opportunity to explain introverts to you and a little about how to handle them--you know, so it's less scary next time you encounter one.       1. Introverts don't hate people.           It's a common thought that introverts just don't like people, but it isn't true! Most introverts love being with people, just not all the time. And it's typically easier when it is one-on-one or just a small group of people. Anything larger tends to create some anxi

     I have been really bad about blogging lately. Things have been crazy lately. Life never stops, you know? Anyhow, I hope to be a little better about it this time. And today's post will be quite random, so prepare yourselves!!      Ever since I was about fourteen or so I have been in love with Ireland. It all started with me wanting something to write about. I literally grabbed an encyclopedia (yeah, we had the book set, not the fancy internet encyclopedia...) and flipped until I found something interesting. That happened to be the Irish potato famine. I knew it had to be the setting for my book! I did tons of research and became totally obsessed. That was the first book I wrote. Looking back now, I realize how terrible the writing and plot were, but I have a special place in my heart for it. That sparked a huge ongoing interest in the country. Some of my favorite authors were Irish. If you've never seen any real pictures, do yourself a favor and go look. They have beautifu

     I've always been a little indifferent towards Valentine's Day. Like why do we have to celebrate love only one day a year? Has it become that cheap? The other part of me has lamented the fact that I have never had a Valentine. My one relationship was in the Valentine's off season. It's cheesy, but there's just something about the beautiful flowers and heartfelt notes. (And I've always wanted to get one of those giant cards...I don't know why.) And I would love to plan some super awesome surprise for someone, too. So as we have come into February, I have been reminded again just how single I am. You know, the culture gives the word such a negative connotation. It's looked on as something to be pitied, like, "Poor thing. She's alone on Valentine's Day. How sad." Sucks for all us singles. Or does it? (Hold that thought for a minute).       Growing up, when people talked about loving themselves, I thought it was selfish. Shouldn't

       This week has been one of the roughest I remember in a long time. It just seems like that week where everything goes wrong. I mean, Monday started out great. Work was amazing and I felt like I made progress with my baristas and I felt like I was on cloud nine. Then I came home, packed up my stuff, and went to the library to take my French test. Though I haven't gotten back my final score yet, it is safe to say I bombed that thing (and I only have three...and they count for 30% of my grade). On Tuesday, work was a nightmare. We were understaffed and I felt like I was having a continuous panic attack for like two hours. When I did homework later on that day, I found out that two of the textbooks I had ordered were wrong, and one of them I needed for a presentation that's due next week. I emailed my teacher and the news kept getting better. There was no access to the correct books online anywhere and none of my local libraries had them. To Amazon I went. I had to expedite s

         One of my favorite parts of Sunday mornings is worship. I enjoy everything about it, especially if the team happens to play a few of my favorites. There are a few I currently have on repeat. One is Holy Spirit by Francesca Batistelli (and Jesus Culture) and the other is Forever by Kari Jobe. We did both of those songs this weekend and they really got me thinking. When we worship and pray and read the Bible, do we do so to a living God?          I don't mean is God alive or not. I happen to believe that He died and rose again on the third day just like He told His disciples. The way God kind of brought it to my attention was "Do you pray like I'm alive now?" If spiritually staggering is possible, I think I did so then. This isn't a new revelation for me, but something the Lord has to remind me of often and every time I am taken aback by it. Do I worship God like He is still alive? Do I pray like He is alive in me?          As Christians I think we let ou

      Hey there to anyone who decided to read my blog!                       I know a bunch of people don't like New Year's Resolutions and that's totally fine. I usually don't like them either. Every year I say I won't do it again and still do. With that being said, this blog is one of my resolutions this year. For a while now I have been wanting to start a blog and be intentional with it. So here I am!!  Welcome to the new home of The Lovely Little Introvert. (My goal for the year is 100 posts, which comes out to about 2 posts a week...*fingers crossed!*)          This blog isn't going to be about just one thing. It will probably consist of a lot of Jesus, lots of caffeine, a few silly observations, challenges, and other random things. I mostly just wanted a way to share my heart. I hope you find it makes you laugh, makes you think, encourages you and I hope you just plain enjoy it!                    As 2015 gets going, I want to challenge you to really e