The Lovely Little Introvert

     For those of you who don't know me terribly well, I can be extremely stubborn. And very pessimistic. And a total pain in the butt. Ever since I was a little girl I wouldn't do anything unless it was my idea (even if someone told me to do it first). Annoying for everyone else, I know. Well recently, the Lord has been showing me some pretty uncomfortable things about myself through the eyes of my lovely husband.       For starters, stubbornness often masquerades as pride. Depression is easy to use as a crutch for laziness. Sometimes being right gets in the way of being better. Nearly everything is a choice. More often than not, life does not happen to you, you happen to your life. Anything worth having, doing, or becoming has to be worked hard for. Nothing is free or automatic. Difficulty is guaranteed in life. There is no real easy way out. There are always consequences, good or bad. God is standing by you, even when you think you've run as far away as you can.     

     Suicide and depression has been a popular topic the last two days. And it is a topic very near and dear to my heart. Kate Spade died on Wednesday, Anthony Bourdain died Thursday. Anyone not living under a rock knows that they both took their own lives. And I'm certain countless other "non-celebrities" took their own lives those same days, too. Regardless of status, people are dying. There have been tons of articles popping up about the 2 celebrities, depression in general, people posting the Suicide Hotline number. Those are all great and everything. Every little bit helps, really. But I want to talk about what isn't helpful. I want to talk about the reality of suicide, suicidal ideation, and depression. I want to talk about the people who talk and give their opinion when they don't understand. I want to talk about everything messy and awful and horrible that goes along with this disease known as depression, because like it or not, it's reality for way to

         When I was in middle school, I had a youth pastor who loved to use the phrase "fake it 'til you make it." He would use it during youth group sermons for all sorts of different scenarios. At the time, I thought it was the best thing ever, so I didn't question it at all. Recently, though, I have been thinking about it more. I think I've come to the conclusion that it's total crap. Or it kind of makes sense and perhaps the phrasing is just awful. Let me explain.      I think when you are struggling, there is a real danger in being fake until you make it back to okay. If you don't reach out for help you might not even make it back. I have experienced this often in my life, taking the phrase a little too literally, believing that I shouldn't be bothering people with my problems. I could just "fake it 'til I make it" and everything will be dandy. Hey, guess what? It doesn't really work like that.      I also believe that