The Lovely Little Introvert

     Growing up, especially in those mid to late adolescent years, with our hormones all over the place, we fully believe a boyfriend will solve all our problems. Usually at that time of life, we are trying to figure out who we are and coping with a million and five changes. Often we don't like what we see in the mirror. We compare ourselves with friends or the society models on television or in magazines. We are unhappy with what we see and how we feel. We begin to point out everything we believe to be wrong with us and wallow in how horrible and ugly we are and how nobody could ever love us. Enter what I call the "Magic Boyfriend Duct Tape Belief". In other words, we convince ourselves that having a boyfriend will allow us to finally feel good about who we are. We will no longer struggle with insecurity issues and will live the rest of our days happy with rainbows over our heads and stars in our eyes. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but don't tell me you ha

     All my life I've heard people say things like "God will bring you a man when you least expect it"or "Just stop looking. It'll happen." As much as I wanted a godly man in my life I was almost stubbornly determined it would never happen. I was always expecting, always looking. Singleness is something I wrestled with pretty heavily on and off for years. I was always haunted by the possibility that I would end up alone forever.      Over the past six months to a year, Jesus really worked on my heart. He showed me the importance of loving myself fully. We went on dates, me and Jesus. We talked about if I was willing to stay single if that was what He called me to. Hesitantly, at least at first, I said yes. Then something crazy started to happen. I was okay being single. In fact, I was actually starting to enjoy it! The desire to one day have a boyfriend and get married never went away, but it was no longer consuming me. This was where I was a month and a ha

10. It isn't a choice      I think I've said it before, but depression is not a choice. most often it is the result of a chemical imbalance (which is naturally not a conscious decision) and it comes and goes whenever it feels like it. Some people experience it for a short time, others for a lifetime. Please don't keep believing that depressed people are the way they are because they want to be. Most people I know would do anything to make it go away for good. 9. Don't assume anything because you "know" about depression      A lot of people assume they understand what a depressed person is going through because they think they know about depression. That's like saying you know what it's like to be a bear because you've read about them. Even if you have suffered with depression, you probably still won't know exactly what they are going through completely. While many of the symptoms or side effects of depression are the same, they effect everyo

     I discovered something really interesting the other day...anti-depressants don't actually eliminate depression. I thought when I first went on my medication that that's what would happen. Pop a pill every day and POOF! I would be back to my normal self. Instead, anti-depressants help ground me and level out things like my serotonin and dopamine levels. It has certainly helped my depression be much less. But I was shocked one day about a month ago to discover that it wasn't just gone.      I had what I refer to as "an episode"- for me that involves not getting out of bed, having no appetite, having a physical pain in my chest that basically feels like an endless chasm of darkness, crying util I can't see and my anxiety being almost uncontrollable. These episodes don't happen that often, but when they do, they are bad. When it happened this most recent time, I remember being absolutely terrified, thinking that I was going back to the bad place like befo

     I am a writer, have been since I was a little girl. Sometimes a story works its way into my heart and I can't get it out. I have to write it or feel the words swelling inside my stomach, pushing their way out of my throat and my head and my fingertips. It's like magic.      Once upon a time, I wanted writing to be my profession. But most people don't make a living writing, so the Lord and I have been talking, and we've decided that I will always write, but not necessarily as a career. So I have been thinking about using my blog to share some of my stories, too, not just my thoughts. If you're curious, read on. This isn't the whole story, just the beginning. The rest will come later, but let me know what you think, anyway! :) Beatrice of Saddle Hope © Saddle Hope, North Carolina, 1965         I knowed Miss Beatie from the time she was five years old. She used to ‘scape the big house and run through the field all the way to my shack. I would take h

    I've been thinking a lot the past few days about love, particularly in the context of romantic love. It seems to be all around me, pressing in on me from every side. And it's nice sometimes. Other times it is incredibly annoying, knowing I don't have it. So I asked God why I seem to be the only one going without here. Instead of directly answering me like I wanted Him to, He said, "My challenge for you is to think outside the box of romantic love. I want you to love the people around you in the best ways you know how. Do whatever you can and it will be a great adventure." It was such a simple thing, yet it totally shifted my perspective. I was so focused on romantic love that I was completely turning a blind eye to all the beautiful kinds of love surrounding me, the ones I do have.      In this same way, I'm learning more what the love of Jesus looks like towards me. So far I've seen that He shows He loves me by wanting to spend time with me. We have