With Your Whole Heart

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     There have been a lot of crazy thoughts rolling around in my head the last few weeks. I've started to write a new blog post so many times and it just never felt quite right. There were so many options, but none I had really fleshed out yet. Anyhow. I'm here now! Finally writing again, and it feels good! I am currently done with school for the summer (on week four of my vacation) and it feels wonderful. My sister is coming home from Africa in 17 days and I could not be more happy!! We also moved into a new house and I absolutely adore it. I have a glorious little hammock in the backyard and I am working on making a fairy garden with tiny little plants and a house shaped like a teapot. It's gonna be pretty epic. Yet despite all of this great stuff, God and I have been wrestling with some things for a while.
     The overall issue has been with purpose and contentment. So many things have brought this about. For one, I am going into my junior year of college in the fall and still have zero idea what I am really going to do once I graduate. Everyone keeps asking me and I'm trying to be okay with telling them I don't know, but I'm not. Then there is my sister going to Africa for six months! I am so proud of her! She took a huge leap of faith and followed where the Lord called. I could not be more excited that she is there and can't wait to hear stories, but it got me thinking about my life now and where I'm at. Then there is just looking at my overall life in general. I am currently a single twenty-three year old woman going to school online full-time and working full-time as a supervisor at Starbucks. Most mornings I wake up and wonder what the heck my purpose is. I realized a few months ago that I was not happy. Sure, I had happy moments, but overall I was completely discontent with my life. I felt like I was kind of in this limbo stage in life. Like I wasn't going to be doing anything important until I had finished school or gotten a "big girl" job or gotten married. It sounds ridiculous, but that's where I was at right then. 
      About three weeks before the end of the semester, I had a break down at my Bible study. I can't remember the last time I cried so hard. I was overwhelmed with school and life and all of it. It was crushing me. More often than not, I just felt like I couldn't breathe. So a dear friend prayed with me while I was a wet mess. I can't remember all that she said, but one thing in particular stuck out. She said that God was proud of me. Here I was feeling like a failure in school and struggling with my purpose in life and God was proud of me? I had never considered anything like it and it totally rocked my world. 
     Fast forward to this past week and up to now. I have come to understand that there is a purpose for my being where I am right now. This is not limbo. God clearly showed me I am where I am for a reason, but it isn't exactly clear. I realized I have to wait for the bigger stuff like marriage and what I am going to do after college and moving out. But I knew there had to be some very specific things I had been called to right now. So I started seeking out what my purpose is right now. I am still digging, but here is what I have discovered. My purpose is to love people whether or not I agree with them or like them or know them. My purpose is to be intentional and open and honest. My purpose is to do my absolute best in everything that I do, whether people see me or not. My purpose is to dive into the depths of my Creator and fall more in love with Him than I've ever been before. My purpose is to worship with more than just my songs on Sunday morning but with everything I do every single day. My purpose is to think and create and to just BE. 
     I challenge all of you no matter where you are at in life to think about your purpose in life. God has some purposes for us that never change. Are you living out those purposes well? What's stopping you? 

Isaiah 61
Colossians 3:23 

     Also, check out this podcast by Graham Cooke. There is some serious truth in this. Talk about what an incredible God I serve. He has everything in His very capable and totally loving hands. 
The Nature of God--Graham Cooke

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