Why a Boyfriend Doesn't Solve Your Problems

     Growing up, especially in those mid to late adolescent years, with our hormones all over the place, we fully believe a boyfriend will solve all our problems. Usually at that time of life, we are trying to figure out who we are and coping with a million and five changes. Often we don't like what we see in the mirror. We compare ourselves with friends or the society models on television or in magazines. We are unhappy with what we see and how we feel. We begin to point out everything we believe to be wrong with us and wallow in how horrible and ugly we are and how nobody could ever love us. Enter what I call the "Magic Boyfriend Duct Tape Belief". In other words, we convince ourselves that having a boyfriend will allow us to finally feel good about who we are. We will no longer struggle with insecurity issues and will live the rest of our days happy with rainbows over our heads and stars in our eyes. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but don't tell me you haven't ever thought something similar...Basically, a boyfriend would act as duct tape in order to fix a bigger problem. But most of us need a complete remodel, not duct tape.
     When I was younger, I definitely had this belief. A boyfriend would make everything better. I wouldn't feel crappy about myself if someone thought I was pretty and told me every once in a while. Boy, was I wrong!! In some ways, I think having a boyfriend makes it even harder! You're nearly always trying to look adorable in hopes of keeping his attention. You fight thoughts of whether or not he's looking at other girls and thinking they're more beautiful. And that's just scratching the surface! And if you have a good boyfriend, they will frequently tell you that you're beautiful and amazing, but if you don't like yourself, it's very hard to believe them. That's why just hearing those words from your boyfriend isn't enough to solve all your self-worth problems.
     You have to learn to love yourself for you. That's the only way. But how do you start to love yourself? Let God tell you who you are. Ask Him to show you how He sees you. Let Him romance you (He will!!). Journal about your insecurities and why you have them. Write down 5 things you love about your body and 5 things you love about yourself that aren't physical. Talk with some close girlfriends who may share similar struggles (who am I kidding, all girls have self-worth and insecurity issues!). Stop playing the comparison game. Easier said than done, I know. When you don't love yourself and you think you're just a big mistake, you're essentially telling God He screwed up on you. And that's just not true. God don't make no junk. He created you on purpose exactly how you are. If you want to try being bold and brave, ask Him why He made you the way He did. When I asked Him, He told me, "You are the way you are for My glory. So others can see My handiwork, My craftsmanship in you."
     Don't misunderstand me, though. I'm not saying that boyfriends can't be helpful on your journey of self-worth and God-confidence. Since this is one of my biggest struggle areas, Jake frequently helps me with this. The wonderful thing is, though, he doesn't just compliment the physical aspects he likes about me (though he does do that, too), he tells me I'm smart and kind and compassionate. He tells me I'm a fighter, a warrior princess. I am a daughter of God. Lovelies, the same is true of you!! You are on purpose. All of you. Embrace the amazing, wonderful, lovely, fabulous, strong women that you are. And don't let anyone tell you differently. :)